I was having a very rough week earlier pain-wise.
**As you know, I have CRPS/RSD in my back already and so the incision site was extraordinarily painful when they inserted this Spinal Cord Stimulator (SCS). It’s why you haven’t heard from me properly in a while (in terms of how the procedure actually went). I’m so, so sorry!**
Anyway - I’m totally off track already. Where was I? … Oh yes…
I was having a very rough week earlier pain-wise. For other sufferers of chronic pain, you’ll understand that once you’ve been in pain for a certain period of time, it starts to get to you. I mean, I’d say it gets under your skin, but what’s the point of that… It’s already under there, right? What with those nerves and stuff? (worst. joke. ever.)
Anyway, you know what I really meant. I meant that: You get cranky. You get emotional. You get moody. You get irritable. You get impatient. You get anxious. You get depressed. You get exhausted. You get disheartened. Need I say more? I’m sure you can see where this is going.
But I can’t live like that all the time. Especially with all the love I’m surrounded by.
From my Mother, Father, Sister. The folks of #19 (I lived with them through university). Josh & his family. All my cousins & my extended family. What feels like the entirety of Trinidad (shout out to Auntie Carol’s PR machine!). My friends from all the places I’ve been fortunate enough to live with all over the World. My medical team. My new Tumblr friends. Will Smith (I still can’t believe that one either). Random strangers online who hear my story and then become part of my support system. There has not been one negative online comment, tweet, or email. That’s love. That’s support. That was reason enough for me to change my course from where it’s was heading earlier this week…
It sounds and seems like such a cliché but we genuinely DO have the power to change our feelings and our lives. To go from negative to positive no matter how sick we feel and how desperate or dire the situation may seem.
Deepak Chopra said, “95% of illness is either caused or worsened by stress. Take time every day to just be.”
So… today, I be’d.
And then after that I felt inspired (I’m a bit hyper, just be-ing wasn’t enough) to read back through many of the amazing messages I’ve gotten over the last 2 years.
I chose messages at random. Some covered the accident. Some were Tumblr comments. Some Tumblr messages. Some Tumblr fanmail. Some from my best friends. Some from total strangers. Some from members of my family, no longer with us. Some from family-members who have since brought in new members of my family. It was a truly amazing and incredibly inspiring afternoon. In fact, those words don’t even cover it.
I wanted everyone who has ever sent me a message or who has ever thought of sending me a message or who has sent a good wish my way, or a prayer. Or a vibe. Or simply so much as spent a minute on this page to know how blessed you make me feel. You inspire me to wake up everyday and write this with the hope that maybe it might make someone who felt the way I felt earlier to smile. You remind me that I am loved. But most of all - your constant messages give me hope that one day when I get better, there will be people for me to play with. And that’s a huge thing! You remind me that I haven’t been forgotten. And for me, that means everything.
(Top Image via Flickr/laineylamonto)