Well, the permanent Spinal Cord Stimulator is officially in!

Between all the electrical leads going into my spine, and now having to be controlled by a remote for the rest of my life - I feel like a robot*.

Not surprisingly, due to the enormous pain in my spine, I’m still in the hospital, though hopefully I’ll be getting out sometime tomorrow. I figured that I’d be in pain though, so I’ve prewritten some random posts that’ll continue to pop up should I temporarily not be able to write. I’d never leave you guys high and dry! Keep checking in… x

I honestly cannot thank y’all enough for your amazingly supportive messages. Each and everyone of you have come to mean so much to me. I’ll be sure to update you properly once I’m able, and to write back to those of you who very kindly wrote in.

Loads of love,

Danielle xx

(image via Etsy)

*(Ps - The cheesy ‘Styx’ lyrics in this post’s title seemed perfectly fitted to my new robot persona. I know, I know… I’m well-aware that I’m a massive nerd for loving this song. My sister has had 25 years to drill it into me. But it’s TOO good!!! If you’ve never heard it, or if you’re a huge fan too click here to listen on YouTube. I don’t own the song nor did I upload it. xx)

It is with great pleasure that I am able to report that yesterday marked the end of my 9 day Spinal Cord Stimulator trial. 

Pleasure? As in happy for it to be gone?! I know, I know. A mere 5 days ago I was near floating over the streets of Chicago, drunk on euphoria, waving my hands around like a idiotic fool. Now, please don’t get me wrong, that joy over partial pain relief still stands. But the truth is - and this is more than a little bit difficult to put out there on the internet - a tidal wave of emotions smacked me hard around the 3rd day of the trial, sucking me under only to have me emerge as a slightly cross-eyed, dazed and confused emotional wreck of a person. 

I fear writing something like this. In fact, I fear negativity on a whole. I dread the weight of it. The way it just hangs, clinging to everything you attempt. It’s terribly sticky, don’t you think? And quite the bully! With its gang of friends - anger, depression, anxiety, and of course extra pain always joining in on the fun. This is why I am at times guilty (I believe we all are) of compartmentalizing. Oh yes! Sound familiar? But when you don’t properly deal with things, negativity is bound to wait - lurking, sticking, waiting to cling. 

And so, on the 3rd day of the trial everything began to bubble. I believe it was triggered by of a combination of the extreme pain in my back at the incision site (I have CPRS/RSD in my back so this pain is not something that will be felt for everyone in an SCS trial), the exhaustion of not being able to find a comfy position to sleep in, but mostly by the sudden realization that at such a young age, I’d essentially become a robot.

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Hey, you guys? 

My demo spinal cord stimulator goes in tomorrow. I know you probably had it marked in your calendar, but I just thought I’d remind you. 

I could not possibly be more excited! It’s like… you know when you were little, and you would think of something lovely (and probably semi-annual or sugar-filled) and subsequently get so excited that your heart would become so overwhelmed it felt ready to pop? And then as a reflex your body would do a little wriggle or squirm because there’d be so much adrenaline in there floating around just from that one thought? 

Yes? No? Maybe? Weird? 

Anyway, I do that. And it’s happening every time I think of tomorrow. I am so hopeful, excited, and ready for this procedure!

Tomorrow… Eeee! xx

RELATED POSTS:

- Touchdown in Chicago for the SCS Trial!

Happy Valentine’s Day!!! As a foreigner, I wasn’t raised on the commercialism of Valentine’s Day. Hallmark never shoved cards and candies down my throat. Nope. I was raised on the pure thinking that February 14th is a day to show your appreciation and respect to those you love. I was raised to believe that romance isn’t dead. And I was raised to give hugs. Lots and lots of them. 

So what do I love about this Valentine’s Day? 

Homemade Cards & My Snuggly Little Fur Babies.  

A Surprise Gift from Intermix in the Form of… 

The Rag & Bone Jeans I’d Been Coveting. (Please excuse the picture. I’m well aware that I look like a goon…)

But most of all I love, LOVE, love that there is love to be celebrated and a day on which to do so.

My accident has taught me that you never know what might just happen in life, so no matter what your relationship status may be… make time to tell the ones that you love how you feel. And Happy Valentine’s Day again! Lots and lots of love to you all! xxxxxxxx

RELATED LINKS:

- A Get Well Card from Will Smith (Whether He Knew it or Not)

- Have You Met My Babies?

- Sweet, Sweet T&T 

- Handicapable / J’s Wedding